I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
