Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
