yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
