I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
