somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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