So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
