Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
