I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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