I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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