Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
