so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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