And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
we're so committed to being not committed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize