my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
