When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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