What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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