I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Randomize
