I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
