Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
