i think my tv is drunk
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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