Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize