Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
