What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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