Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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