so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize