I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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