May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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