3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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