Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
