i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
