Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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