can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
