i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
