First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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