He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
