The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just had sex bonerless
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
