Betty ford says i'm here all night
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
why do cheetos always look like penises
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
