She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
