Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
