hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
