I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
