one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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