Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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