I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
