It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
someone threw a dead crab at me
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Randomize