I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
