it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
