great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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