Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
