She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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