How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
