WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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