can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
