He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
