non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
