I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
