I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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