Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
