Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
