Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
