Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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