I wish my penis had an off switch
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
