I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
