dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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