im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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