im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
