Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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