After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Even my vagina gasped.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
