I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize