My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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