I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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