guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
