peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
and you fell through a lawn chair
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Your penis caused this!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
